Last weekend was a big one for me, friends. (The weekend before last was too–I got to hang out with Emma and Eli! There was hiking, biking, beer, oysters, cake, pro surfing on the internets, and æbelskivers!) I was at a conference, but unlike traditional academic conferences where the focus is on cutting edge research, this was a professional conference where people in the field spent three days talking about how to expand the impact of their careers. I’m not a professional (yet), but I will be soon, and as the time nears (I’ve got a year to go, I hope!) I’m thinking more about what my professional career might look like.
Even though I’m working on my PhD, I have no intention or desire to be a tenured professor at a big research institution. I’m open to teaching at a small liberal arts college or a community college, and I’ve thought a lot lately about teaching high school biology. But what I’ve really wanted to do since re-aligning my career goals as a Master’s student is work in non-profit conservation. More PhDs are entering the non-profit world these days.
I’m not a big ideas person. This last weekend I heard lots of well known folks in conservation talk all these big ideas and I just sat there uncomfortably, wondering how I could ever contribute to their lofty goals. And as I sat there, something inside me was stirring. Ideas were churning in my brain and my gut was telling me that all this meant something more, but I couldn’t grasp what it was. It was a really abstract and overwhelming sensation. I was too busy listening and absorbing the words of others to give it much thought.
On the last day of the conference, I was so. wiped. out. I wasn’t sure why. But I knew I wanted to go home and sleep. As I drove home, I could feel all these thoughts and ideas churning, and my brain was hurting, and I just didn’t know what to make of anything. I took in the world around me. It was beautiful! I thought about where I was and where I had come from. I listened to my new favorite record, highlighted during the conference as a piece that can connect you with nature. It worked for me! It kept my racing mind occupied and kept my eyes on the road.
I got home and I slept. And I slept hard. And when I woke up, everything was clear. I had a dream. Not like an REM sleep dream, but I had a dream for what I wanted to do with my life. My career goal had never been clearer. And I realized I wanted it so bad and that it was going to be so hard that I immediately started sobbing. I know now where I want my work to lead, and I’ve never been more scared.
Of course, to calm me down and celebrate my new found goals, we went for a walk. Nature is the best place for contemplation and celebration.
Now I gotta go figure out how to achieve my dream.
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